Let's begin with my profound admiration for sunflowers. I love them. Not very many things capture me like the radiance of a sunflower.
I don't just praise them for their beauty. I now extend extreme gratitude towards them.
A few months ago I fell into a really bad place. To say the very very least, I became numb. I no longer cared about anything at all. No energy, no will, nothing. I laid in my room for days on end. Refusing to do anything except... nothing. My family tried everything to pull me out. A plethora of boba, my favorite foods, even the gift of company, anything you could think of. Despite the efforts, nothing changed for me. But sunflowers... became something dear to my heart.
My bedroom is simple. My walls are painted grey, and anything in it is either white or black. No color. Simple greyscale. I loved the simplicity. I just never realized quite how dull it was until one particular day. I was laying in bed, listening to music. My mom had urged me to go to the store with her. She wanted me to get up and out of the house. Anything it took. I refused. Wanted to stay in bed. Soon after, she walks into my room holding a bouquet of sunflowers & says to me
"I know it's not much... but I know how much you love sunflowers so I went to the store and got you some. I hope they cheer you up even a tiny bit."
Now... let me tell you... beautiful isn't anywhere near descriptive enough. I really wish it were. It sounds cliche but it was, hands down, one of the most beautiful things to me. I smiled. My heart lit up. She got a vase and set them in my room for me. It served as some type of analogy to me and my life. I was dull. Surrounded by grey. Surrounded by such... lack of color in my life, so to speak. All the color had been wrung out and faded. And it wasn't until the beautiful cluster of yellow sunflowers were introduced into the setting that I realized how dull everything was, and had been. So I started making changes.
I wouldn't say I owe the shift in states in my life entirely to sunflowers. It was definitely a combination of things, people, places. However, sunflowers now serve as a symbol for me. A symbol of all the beauty I neglected to let myself see, accept, and feel.
I wish I could engulf myself in a field of sunflowers to feel that love I felt the moment my mom walked into my room that day, just once more.
Ive compiled a playlist entitled "Helianthus". Helianthus, being, the common sunflower. I couldn't find a title more fitting. This playlist is comprised of songs that relay to all of the emotions I felt after that day. It was a mix of beauty and pain and love. I found no better way to portray those emotions than through music. Given, im not a creator of music, playlists are my equivalent to a musician writing a song or an artist painting a picture or a dancer choreographing a routine to express what they feel. You'll be able to find and make your own connections to this playlist. The flood of emotions alongside the journey of love is something everyone experiences. Sometimes we take for granted the pain that has to come with love. It builds us up. And allows for growth. Initially, I was making this playlist for a person. But as time went on and new experiences came at me, I realized I might've just been projecting my emotions. I was honestly just searching for love. & within the past few months I found all different kinds of it.
Below are links to the playlist (both on Apple Music & Soundcloud) In the description of the playlists will be a more in depth description of the playlists themselves. I truly hope you enjoy, and I thank you for reading. I know this post was on the personal side (don't worry not all content will be this personal) but the reasons behind this blog in the first place are because of how strongly I feel connected to music and life experiences. I want to be able to get people to see they aren't alone and have healthy outlets for their emotions.