I wanted to put something together for you guys to listen to this winter.
I’ve found summer and winter to be some of the hardest times of the year to get through, personally. I’ve had a few difficult, pivotal summers that dimmed the sunshine for me. However, I have tried my best to take every summer since then, for what it is. Winter, on the other hand, has been a rough time for a long time. Most of it started from Christmas’s with argumentative parents. Then, when I was 9 years old my grandma passed away. It was the first death I had ever experienced. I’ll admit I didn’t really know how to process the loss at that age but as the years went by and I observed my families processes, it started to hurt more. My family took the hit hard. My Nana was such a ray of light, warmth, and comfort to the family. My family is full of clashing personalities and characters, all of which she was always able to settle and calm down with love.
My mom losing her own mother was a pain I couldn’t and still am not capable of wrapping my head around. She lost herself for years when she lost her mother. Every winter, we braced ourselves for the solemn December. Crying. Unanswered questions. Anger. Frustration. Hopelessness. In the end though, we always found Strength.
Not only have my winters been tinged with sadness through my own experiences but I believe its come with realizing the year and everything that has occurred within that year, is ending. December rolls around and we reflect on the past 11 months of our lives. The wins, the losses, all of it. I don’t like to reflect on my losses simply because I don’t see them as losses at all. I embrace and thank everything and every moment for entering my life even if it’s for a single second. I relay everything back to love. Even in hurtful or upsetting situations, I’m still reminded of and taught to love. I used to become saddened at the absence of love, forgetting there is never an absence of love at all. I’ve lost loved ones but i’ve also found and strengthened love with others through those losses. & when others aren’t around, I take the time to love myself even more. Falling in love isn’t about kissing and hugging, but sharing and growing. Fall in love with the sun’s warmth on a breezy day. Fall in love with the way your dog greets you at the door. Fall in love with the outfit you picked for the day. Fall in love with your best friends ability to check in on you occasionally. Fall in love with your body allowing you to cry. Fall in love with the coffee shop down the street. Fall in love with the dinner your mom cooked. Fall in love with the people, places, and things you’ve neglected. Fall deeper in love with those you already love. Love is limitless and love is ever-growing.
I always turn to music when my own words can’t express my emotions. So, I put together this playlist to show you what my winter sounds like.
I want you all to know that no matter what you’re feeling or going through, you aren’t alone. Life is beautiful and love is everywhere. Don’t let yourself fall out of love with life. Its not fall anymore but lets fall in love.