Black Box Warning (Playlist)

Hi guys,

Aight so, we’re getting real person here. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what music means to me or why art in general means so much to me. As I’m starting to really “find myself” (lol) I’m also coming to recognize that it means so much to me because it’s helped me in so many ways and done a lot for me indirectly.

Before I tell my story, I’m going to preface, I have been on medication for anxiety/depression and insomnia in the past. Im telling you guys all of this because summer of 2017, before I started all of this Benevelont Flow stuff, a girl was really going through it. My parents urged me to try that route. My experience wasn’t the prettiest. When I was first put on medication, I was warned of my medication holding a “black box warning.” A black box warning essentially means the chances of suicidal thoughts could possibly increase.That black box warning held its truth to say the least. I was in a rough place mentally and in all honesty all I had motivation to do was listen to music. I didn’t feel like myself while on medication. I was so spaced out that music was the only thing that I could space into. I was making playlists left and right back then because it was the only thing I wanted to do. I made one playlist in particular during that period of time in my life that I collected over the span of months because they made me feel like I was in a different world. Being on medication made me feel… well, medicated. Maybe it was the depression and medication cocktail going on in my body and brain that completely pulled me out of my world but the only thing that kept me feeling somewhat grounded was listening to music.

I came across my old medication recently while cleaning my room. Upon finding those old bottles, I also decided to go back to a playlist I remembered I had put together during this distinguishable time of mine. It brought up an overabundance of emotions but it also brought up the interesting idea for me to write this post and share my experience through music. Most of these songs I listened to when I was laying in bed all day and night. I listened to them because I didn’t even have to really hone in on the lyrics or anything, they just floated calmly through my earphones. Some of these songs, just remind me of that time in my life. It’s all a foggy mess of a memory but the music takes me back. There are so many playlists of mine hidden under private and this one in particular never saw the light of day because I didn’t know how to explain what it meant to me in simple terms. There’s no real theme or feeling behind this playlist. It’s just easy-listening. I hope you enjoy, and if you take nothing out of the playlist, I hope you see that there are rough patches in our lives sometimes that nothing can really grasp the depth of.

There will be a form below where you’re encouraged and able to share your experiences with me. Share some of your own personal “black box” songs that simply got you through the lowest of low dips in life. I want to allow others to share to show that its not as uncommon as its made to be. I want others to know that their experience, whether pleasant or unpleasant, is something they don’t need to be ashamed of. So please, use this as a safe space to open up. Share this post so that others can have a safe space also.

(Responses may be anonymously shared in next issue of magazine)

All responses are anonymous
Have you ever taken/been prescribed medication before? *

Its Not Fall Anymore But Let's Fall In Love (Playlist)

Hi,

I wanted to put something together for you guys to listen to this winter.

I’ve found summer and winter to be some of the hardest times of the year to get through, personally. I’ve had a few difficult, pivotal summers that dimmed the sunshine for me. However, I have tried my best to take every summer since then, for what it is. Winter, on the other hand, has been a rough time for a long time. Most of it started from Christmas’s with argumentative parents. Then, when I was 9 years old my grandma passed away. It was the first death I had ever experienced. I’ll admit I didn’t really know how to process the loss at that age but as the years went by and I observed my families processes, it started to hurt more. My family took the hit hard. My Nana was such a ray of light, warmth, and comfort to the family. My family is full of clashing personalities and characters, all of which she was always able to settle and calm down with love.

My mom losing her own mother was a pain I couldn’t and still am not capable of wrapping my head around. She lost herself for years when she lost her mother. Every winter, we braced ourselves for the solemn December. Crying. Unanswered questions. Anger. Frustration. Hopelessness. In the end though, we always found Strength.

Not only have my winters been tinged with sadness through my own experiences but I believe its come with realizing the year and everything that has occurred within that year, is ending. December rolls around and we reflect on the past 11 months of our lives. The wins, the losses, all of it. I don’t like to reflect on my losses simply because I don’t see them as losses at all. I embrace and thank everything and every moment for entering my life even if it’s for a single second. I relay everything back to love. Even in hurtful or upsetting situations, I’m still reminded of and taught to love. I used to become saddened at the absence of love, forgetting there is never an absence of love at all. I’ve lost loved ones but i’ve also found and strengthened love with others through those losses. & when others aren’t around, I take the time to love myself even more. Falling in love isn’t about kissing and hugging, but sharing and growing. Fall in love with the sun’s warmth on a breezy day. Fall in love with the way your dog greets you at the door. Fall in love with the outfit you picked for the day. Fall in love with your best friends ability to check in on you occasionally. Fall in love with your body allowing you to cry. Fall in love with the coffee shop down the street. Fall in love with the dinner your mom cooked. Fall in love with the people, places, and things you’ve neglected. Fall deeper in love with those you already love. Love is limitless and love is ever-growing.

I always turn to music when my own words can’t express my emotions. So, I put together this playlist to show you what my winter sounds like.

I want you all to know that no matter what you’re feeling or going through, you aren’t alone. Life is beautiful and love is everywhere. Don’t let yourself fall out of love with life. Its not fall anymore but lets fall in love.

Finally, A Travis Scott Related Post

Hello Everyone!

I know it’s been a while since i’ve uploaded a blog post on here but i’m back! I took a hiatus to focus on the magazine. I wanna start off by thanking all of you for the amazing support and love you’ve shown me. The feedback I got on the first issue of my magazine was overwhelming.

I had stopped making mixes a while back. If you don’t know why already, the reason was that I was using Garageband and I lowkey felt like if people found out they would bag on me. To be completely honest I didn’t wanna learn a new program either because I was already familiar with Garageband (for the most part). So, I just let the mix phase of mine die out.

I ended up getting my magazine in the hands of an artist I really admire and respect. They flipped through the pages and saw the page I included briefly explaining why I had brought making mixes to a halt. Shockingly enough he told me “You were ashamed of using Garageband? I still use Garageband! I don’t give a f*ck what people say! I took what I knew and perfected it.” Now, that was motivation enough for me because he made a good point and I was even further ashamed for having let the fear of peoples judgement get in the way of doing something I enjoyed.

Since then, I have taken to youtube to learn more about what Garageband is capable of. I’ve also watched walk through videos from multiple producers to pick up some tips.

I typically had centered my previous mixes around certain moods I was feeling at the time. I couldn’t pinpoint any certain emotion when making this mix so I just opted for something I loved. Travis Scott’s music. Now, I didn’t want to make a mix full of songs you all probably have already heard, or hear often, so I went into the Travis Scott archives and dug up some old gems. This blog is all about shining light on the neglected aspects of music and let me tell you, a good majority of these songs are forgotten about and really shouldn’t be! You day 1 ragers probably know this entire tracklist like the back of your hand, but for those of you who are still exploring Travis’s music, I hope you get to take something new out of this mix. Most of his older songs are pretty repetitive, in my opinion, so I tried my best to rework those the most. Whether you know the songs in this mix or not, I hope you enjoy!